Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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