what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
