so explain again why im purple
no
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
