it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
