i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
