we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
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