I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
