My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
