Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
