I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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