So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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