Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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