see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
We are all done wearing pants today
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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