rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
