Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize