Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
