Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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