yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
