Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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