he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
