Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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