I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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