My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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