ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
