you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
