party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
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