Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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