we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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