Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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