Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
