did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
