I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
