I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
