shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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