He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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