I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
