We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
