hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
