Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
