My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
