Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
