I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
