I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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