I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
