I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I want you more than these girls want KFC
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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