I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I need water and some morals
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
