if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
