I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
