The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I wish I only lived at night.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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