I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Randomize
