I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
