u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
