I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
