Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
