Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
