By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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