Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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