hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
