Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
