The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
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