Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
