she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
