i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
