I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
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I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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