We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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