just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I wanna passion pit in your ass
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
