people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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