Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
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She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
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The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.