You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
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I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
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Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
They also submitted to my demands for pizza