my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
