Texts From Last Night

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  (416): View more from Ontario

  I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her

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  (416): I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her http://tfl.nu/l0xk
  Replies (31) Good night (939) Bad night (2943)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?

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  (314): On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you? http://tfl.nu/ocb5
  Replies (131) Good night (32482) Bad night (2703)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more

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  (205): I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more http://tfl.nu/noxu
  Replies (39) Good night (1234) Bad night (5461)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table

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  (732): Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table http://tfl.nu/oexb
  Replies (40) Good night (7156) Bad night (1995)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait

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  (614): I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait http://tfl.nu/idzg
  Replies (16) Good night (2972) Bad night (1131)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"

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  (586): omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather" http://tfl.nu/v5jx
  Replies (8) Good night (1556) Bad night (1065)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee

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  (613): just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee http://tfl.nu/8pkh
  Replies (20) Good night (1895) Bad night (945)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?

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  (251): How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama? http://tfl.nu/p6aj
  Replies (14) Good night (1023) Bad night (2628)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.

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  (773): who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this. http://tfl.nu/j8g2
  Replies (1) Good night (600) Bad night (314)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY

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  (574): LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY http://tfl.nu/e3an
  Replies (3) Good night (1072) Bad night (428)
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  (619): View more from California

  I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.

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  (619): I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers. http://tfl.nu/goy8
  Replies (4) Good night (747) Bad night (355)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.

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  (412): FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL. http://tfl.nu/yext
  Replies (3) Good night (567) Bad night (357)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.

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  (214): Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars. http://tfl.nu/9ba1
  Replies (2) Good night (366) Bad night (559)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us

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  (516): I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us http://tfl.nu/ed1l
  Replies (0) Good night (373) Bad night (684)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again

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  (479): And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again http://tfl.nu/1sbj
  Replies (4) Good night (266) Bad night (130)

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