It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.