once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.