I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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