i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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