I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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