I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
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just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
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You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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