I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
