he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
