Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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