there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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