She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
