I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
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Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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