I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
