Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
