South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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