Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
